The inevitable I guess.

Second medical mission today.
175 people helped this time. Today was more quiet for me, as I was mainly sitting down waiting, and fanning myself to keep cool.
While sitting and listening to my music, I was left alone with my thoughts. That rarely happens here with everyone around me.
And as I looked up at the sky I saw a plane flying weightlessly and effortlessly and silently above me. It wasn't too long ago when I was in the sky, peering down at small tropical islands and knowing I was headed for one myself.
It's crazy to think we can physically be at such a height, with nothing but the walls and floor of the plane keeping us from touching the sky.
That was the train of thought I was on, until suddenly this train wreck in my head crashed at the front of my mind.

I sorely miss my friends. If you are reading this I can almost guarantee that I am talking about you. I miss you. And you randomly pop up in my head in the midst of what I am doing here.

I really really miss my family. I want to be having a BBQ with the delicious hamburgers only my dad knows how to cook to perfection, then sit down to having my brothers making fun of each other over nothing while my nieces and nephews are running around the tables and jumping onto the big red beanbag in the haven.

These stars are not the same as home. I instinctively searched for the southern cross. Do you think i found it?
These clouds passing through are not the ones you, in Australia, in summer, in the southern hemisphere, at 7:32pm, have rolling across your sky. I miss Australian soil.
But through all this missing, I am finally doing what I truly love. I am living for once.
I know I am helping to make a difference and I love that I can do so.
I wish I could become really daring and travel through these mountains I can see out my window in the distance, and minister to the people there that are very dangerous. Especially to caucasions. The problem is it is restricted for anyone to go up them, since there are bands of rebels there. That's all I know about the mountains, they hold much mystery and it intrigues me.

In all honesty I would love to die here doing what I love.
But I want to see everyone.
But I don't want to leave.
This is my life now, it is what I am used to. I don't know if I could cope back home, living in all the routines and materialism. It is so freeing and simple Here, I have no worries in this place. None at all.
That scares me a little.

I don't know what I want now. I'm mixed up. I hate knowing that this time will be over soon.
I hate knowing that soon I'll just be back home and I won't be able to come back for at least a year. But even then doubt I could return.
Everyone I am meeting here is saying "you will be back again soon, won't you?"
I wish I could tell them yes.

These people are real, with personalities and hopes and dreams and ambitions and aspirations.
Not some picture to glance at and remember for a short moment. They've been here all along while we have not known of them.
Of course that is like the whole world anyway. But it gets to me.

So yes. Now my head and my heart are going insane, never knowing what to think or say or do. Will I even have a choice of what to do? I guess not. That Is driving me mad.
Anyway I better go. Dinner soon. Although while it is your 7:32, it is my 5:32.
Yep.
Even blogging these thoughts didn't help. I'm a bit stuck.