My upcoming road trip around Australia has become a goal I'm aiming for, the rainbow I'm waiting for after the storm. And if I'm really honest with myself, it's the only thing keeping me sane right now. This year has been the most difficult one when it comes to coping with where my life is going. I've been so desperate to just go somewhere, anywhere. I've been aching to get away and travel, to explore and surround myself with new and unfamiliar things, to see a part of the world I have never seen before (which really isn't much at all).
I mean, I always have felt this way. But this year, it's more than a longing, it's vital.
This trip is all a part of it. This trip is exactly what I need now. I feel as if my skin is the only thing that's keeping me from going a thousand differently places and doing a thousand different things at once.
I'm just waiting, waiting, waiting.
17 days.

Like the rising sun that shines, awake my soul.

Not entirely sure if I matter at all.

Sometimes... I get the feeling like I don't really exist. Like now.
I mean, Do I? Am I even alive? Am I breathing in oxygen or is it just false air?
Is this pulse inside me really a heartbeat or is it just the beat of some far off song?

I look around me all too much.
It seems like the people all around me are the important ones. Like they have their own goods and bads and fun times and problems and I'm just... no one.
I guess I've become so involved with trying to help others with their issues and dilemmas that I have forgotten myself. Every love I have is just some common hobby for others. Every sunset is just the sun bidding farewell to someone other than me. So sure, I can see its beauty. But it's not meant for me.
The worst thing is, I am disappointed with myself. It is not a nice truth to come to terms with.
God, please show me a little bit more of who I am meant to be. Cause right now, I just don't know. I am afraid to look in a mirror - in fear of finding my reflection has faded.
If not yet, it is definitely fading...

"Plans to give you hope and a future."

Suddenly, I am very aware of the path my feet are walking on.
I am conscious of who I am.
I am not conscious or aware of where this path leads or who I will one day be.
But I don't need to be.
And more than anything, I am absolutely certain of You, God.
Absolutely certain.

You are here, You have a plan for my life, You love me. These things I know full well.

My Favourite Soul.

She is special beyond understanding, to me. She is so wonderful, so beautiful, so lovable.
She is this familiar, warm-hearted spirit that I have grown alongside, and I wouldn't change a single strand of her DNA. I more than love this one.

I may be moving, to Brisbane...