This is possibly the last post of my Philippines trip.
And there is so much I feel, but hardly anything that can be put into words.
I will just say one thing:
I am a different person now.
And when I return to australia, I would like to forget the entire past, as though it never existed.
Even the good things of the past I will move on from.
2011 is truly my year to change.
I am chasing my dreams and I am on its trail.
It's so close I can practically smell it.
I have learnt so so much here and am more thankful than what I could ever express.
I try to put my heart to words but the tears s
chase my voice away.
This year will be harder and more challenging than any other.
And because I am drawing closer and closer to God, I know many people will be drawing away from me.
But I am ready for that. I no longer have so much dependency on my friends and family; people will always let me down.
Jesus is my constant, my absolute, my eternal, and I honestly could not care less what anybody thinks of that.
But through the trials and the challenges I will be facing, I know it will be a truly 'happy new year'.
Australia,
Here I come. Not sure if you know me yet, but you will.
You will.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Such a beautiful day.
Today may have been the last time I will see kacey, our sponsor child, for a year at the very least. I am already missing him like crazy.
It was such an incredible sight this morning when we walked into the kids room and his eyes lit up and he shot us the biggest smile. A burst of laughter escaped his mouth as he ran to give us cuddles.
It was just beautiful. Especially now that he is so much happier because of the ventillin we gave for his mother to give him.
It helps with his asthma a lot and now he is always smiling and able to run around and wrestle like a little boy should.
I also saw some of the other children that I met over the week for the last time today.
They were holding my hands outside the van window and running next to the van as we drove away, saying "please don't leave!"
Stupid eyes kept leaking.
I miss them already and I want more than anything to be able to visit them all again next year.
Tomorrow is a church service with the salvation army group, goodbyes to them and then some sight seeing.
Now off to unwind with some God-time and sweet rolls.
It was such an incredible sight this morning when we walked into the kids room and his eyes lit up and he shot us the biggest smile. A burst of laughter escaped his mouth as he ran to give us cuddles.
It was just beautiful. Especially now that he is so much happier because of the ventillin we gave for his mother to give him.
It helps with his asthma a lot and now he is always smiling and able to run around and wrestle like a little boy should.
I also saw some of the other children that I met over the week for the last time today.
They were holding my hands outside the van window and running next to the van as we drove away, saying "please don't leave!"
Stupid eyes kept leaking.
I miss them already and I want more than anything to be able to visit them all again next year.
Tomorrow is a church service with the salvation army group, goodbyes to them and then some sight seeing.
Now off to unwind with some God-time and sweet rolls.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Around 500 people helped with our medical missions. God is awesome.
So today was our 5th and last medical mission. What can I say? It has been incredible.
Even though it is hot and sweaty and a very long day, it is fulfilling and so much more so than some self centered holiday.
I wish more than anything that I could stay here.
But I want to see everyone quite a lot too.
I know I have said that a lot already.
Tonight I am visiting a youth group, it starts at 8pm. I'm ready for an interesting night, hopefully they won't make me sing again.
Also, I can't wait for fresh air back in Australia. I have been coughing all the time and don't really feel the best health-wise.
Last night and the night before opened my eyes more to the fact that it is quite a dangerous place here in the Philippines. Including for our sake. But that ordeal is over now, I hope.
I have been stocking up on chocolate lately because i have missed it so much. Basically the only stuff you can get here are kit kats and toblerone.
We are just going to maccas tonight so we can be at the church in time for youth.
Tomorrow we're visiting each project, a lot of travelling I think. Then Sunday I am not sure what we are doing, possibly sight seeing. Monday will be our last day in laoag and we will be sight seeing then too. Then Tuesday morning we are flying to Manila and going to either the market markets or the mall of Asia to shop, before our 9pm plane flight home. Then Wednesday is summer camp.
Just thinking about the next few days is exhausting.
But it will be good. It is always good here.
Even though it is hot and sweaty and a very long day, it is fulfilling and so much more so than some self centered holiday.
I wish more than anything that I could stay here.
But I want to see everyone quite a lot too.
I know I have said that a lot already.
Tonight I am visiting a youth group, it starts at 8pm. I'm ready for an interesting night, hopefully they won't make me sing again.
Also, I can't wait for fresh air back in Australia. I have been coughing all the time and don't really feel the best health-wise.
Last night and the night before opened my eyes more to the fact that it is quite a dangerous place here in the Philippines. Including for our sake. But that ordeal is over now, I hope.
I have been stocking up on chocolate lately because i have missed it so much. Basically the only stuff you can get here are kit kats and toblerone.
We are just going to maccas tonight so we can be at the church in time for youth.
Tomorrow we're visiting each project, a lot of travelling I think. Then Sunday I am not sure what we are doing, possibly sight seeing. Monday will be our last day in laoag and we will be sight seeing then too. Then Tuesday morning we are flying to Manila and going to either the market markets or the mall of Asia to shop, before our 9pm plane flight home. Then Wednesday is summer camp.
Just thinking about the next few days is exhausting.
But it will be good. It is always good here.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Updates and thoughts.
. Dinner last night is literally the only main meal I have had that did not include rice.
. I wash my clothes in a bathtub.
. We eat dinner out every night.
. We eat lunch hosted by the churches or people from the organizations.
. We put a sign on the door knob saying 'make up room' when we go out and come back to a clean fresh hotel room.
. I take tissues everywhere with me. Everywhere. Every. Where.
. We go for walks every single night.
. I am practically famous here now and it's creepy.
. I am very used to the Filipino accent.
. I am also very used to hearing the language and different dialects.
. Being used to the accents does not mean I understand them, I swear they aren't communicating. They are making animal noises and speaking gibberish.
. Nothing here tastes like Australian food, not even the coke. But i'm used to that now too.
. On the first half of the trip, we were accompanied by Scott Hawkins, basically a guy with a bajillion connections. He will be meeting switchfoot in April. He will be speaking at the forest edge music festival. And he maybe, just maybe will give a shout out to me at the switchfoot concert in April. Maybe. Doubtfully. But he mentioned it.
. I want to go home.
. I never want to leave.
. Met an overly nice doctor whose family owns the town bakery, so he takes us in the back rooms a lot and gives is mountains of free sweet rolls and purple roll things.
On another note, today was the 4th medical mission. It was a little emotional for me, secretly. I watched helplessly as teenage boy had an epileptic fit in front of me. The worst part though, was his face when he finally recovered. His expression showed how much he absolutely hated not having control over his body. It was a look that seemed seemed to say "not again". His frustrated and weary expression got to me. That's just his life and there is nothing to do about it.
Like the poor baby girl with a flesh eating disease that can't be cured.
These are real people, innocent, undeserving children who are suffering.
I'm sure you already know this.
It is frustrating for me. It already was when I was home in aust, and I hadn't even been exposed to it first hand then.
Now it is all around me. And it only increases the frustration and compassion that fills my being.
I hate that there are the fancy houses right next to straw huts. People need to reach out and help each other.
That is our heart for this trip and that is what we are doing here.
Already there are over 500 people who have been helped.
It is just so so good to be finally doing what I have always wanted.
I dread going back to school this year, acting like it never happened and as though everything is back to normal.
I do not want normal.
I suppose that's up to me to make it not normal. I know I will try. But this trip is actually the first time I have felt that I am truly helping people.
But then again it's not about how I feel is it?
God please use me in everything you can, if it is even possible for me to do so when I am back home.
Going for dinner now.
Only 5 more days.
. I wash my clothes in a bathtub.
. We eat dinner out every night.
. We eat lunch hosted by the churches or people from the organizations.
. We put a sign on the door knob saying 'make up room' when we go out and come back to a clean fresh hotel room.
. I take tissues everywhere with me. Everywhere. Every. Where.
. We go for walks every single night.
. I am practically famous here now and it's creepy.
. I am very used to the Filipino accent.
. I am also very used to hearing the language and different dialects.
. Being used to the accents does not mean I understand them, I swear they aren't communicating. They are making animal noises and speaking gibberish.
. Nothing here tastes like Australian food, not even the coke. But i'm used to that now too.
. On the first half of the trip, we were accompanied by Scott Hawkins, basically a guy with a bajillion connections. He will be meeting switchfoot in April. He will be speaking at the forest edge music festival. And he maybe, just maybe will give a shout out to me at the switchfoot concert in April. Maybe. Doubtfully. But he mentioned it.
. I want to go home.
. I never want to leave.
. Met an overly nice doctor whose family owns the town bakery, so he takes us in the back rooms a lot and gives is mountains of free sweet rolls and purple roll things.
On another note, today was the 4th medical mission. It was a little emotional for me, secretly. I watched helplessly as teenage boy had an epileptic fit in front of me. The worst part though, was his face when he finally recovered. His expression showed how much he absolutely hated not having control over his body. It was a look that seemed seemed to say "not again". His frustrated and weary expression got to me. That's just his life and there is nothing to do about it.
Like the poor baby girl with a flesh eating disease that can't be cured.
These are real people, innocent, undeserving children who are suffering.
I'm sure you already know this.
It is frustrating for me. It already was when I was home in aust, and I hadn't even been exposed to it first hand then.
Now it is all around me. And it only increases the frustration and compassion that fills my being.
I hate that there are the fancy houses right next to straw huts. People need to reach out and help each other.
That is our heart for this trip and that is what we are doing here.
Already there are over 500 people who have been helped.
It is just so so good to be finally doing what I have always wanted.
I dread going back to school this year, acting like it never happened and as though everything is back to normal.
I do not want normal.
I suppose that's up to me to make it not normal. I know I will try. But this trip is actually the first time I have felt that I am truly helping people.
But then again it's not about how I feel is it?
God please use me in everything you can, if it is even possible for me to do so when I am back home.
Going for dinner now.
Only 5 more days.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Kind of complaining.
Some more dot points of things I have noticed and things I have done:
. Finished the third medical mission today in a village close to the mountains.
. Got pushed and pulled by more small children.
. Had a lunch I actually really liked for once.
. Am now pro at cracking open unroasted peanuts.
. Tried fresh corn and peeled it myself, it tastes a lot more mild than Aussie corn.
. Had some kind of rice and coconut dessert that tasted delicious.
. Am even more sick of rice.
. Noticed some things that frustrate me; like how there are massive two and three story houses built using the most expensive and fancy looking materials, that are right next to small straw huts and tiny tin sheds where the rest are living.
. The fancy houses are usually bright pink, yellow, orange or blue, and remind me of a barbie doll dream house or something resembling a giant rainbow swirly lollipop.
. Felt like I was in the Swiss family Robinson area today, surrounded by banana trees and palm trees, and surrounded by straw huts on stilts with bamboo ladders up to tree houses. I loved it.
One thing that really upset me today was after we left the village, everyone would tell us to make sure we have thoroughly washed and sanitized our hands after touching the children. I understand that. But the way some of them looked at us like we were now disease-filled annoyed me. Those poor children are the same as the ones at home. It is not their fault they were born into poor circumstances. They were beautiful children. And I was given looks that somewhat resembled disgust by a few of the team members simply because they were holding my hand or sitting on my lap or giving me hugs and high fives.
I know they were not intentionally meaning to be disgusted, nor were they actually disgusted at the kids. But it saddened me still.
I am glad I can be here for these children that are so often being neglected and are treated poorly. They just need some joy and fun in their lives. Laughter IS the best medicine.
I'm off, dinner time at flora's church.
. Finished the third medical mission today in a village close to the mountains.
. Got pushed and pulled by more small children.
. Had a lunch I actually really liked for once.
. Am now pro at cracking open unroasted peanuts.
. Tried fresh corn and peeled it myself, it tastes a lot more mild than Aussie corn.
. Had some kind of rice and coconut dessert that tasted delicious.
. Am even more sick of rice.
. Noticed some things that frustrate me; like how there are massive two and three story houses built using the most expensive and fancy looking materials, that are right next to small straw huts and tiny tin sheds where the rest are living.
. The fancy houses are usually bright pink, yellow, orange or blue, and remind me of a barbie doll dream house or something resembling a giant rainbow swirly lollipop.
. Felt like I was in the Swiss family Robinson area today, surrounded by banana trees and palm trees, and surrounded by straw huts on stilts with bamboo ladders up to tree houses. I loved it.
One thing that really upset me today was after we left the village, everyone would tell us to make sure we have thoroughly washed and sanitized our hands after touching the children. I understand that. But the way some of them looked at us like we were now disease-filled annoyed me. Those poor children are the same as the ones at home. It is not their fault they were born into poor circumstances. They were beautiful children. And I was given looks that somewhat resembled disgust by a few of the team members simply because they were holding my hand or sitting on my lap or giving me hugs and high fives.
I know they were not intentionally meaning to be disgusted, nor were they actually disgusted at the kids. But it saddened me still.
I am glad I can be here for these children that are so often being neglected and are treated poorly. They just need some joy and fun in their lives. Laughter IS the best medicine.
I'm off, dinner time at flora's church.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
The inevitable I guess.
Second medical mission today.
175 people helped this time. Today was more quiet for me, as I was mainly sitting down waiting, and fanning myself to keep cool.
While sitting and listening to my music, I was left alone with my thoughts. That rarely happens here with everyone around me.
And as I looked up at the sky I saw a plane flying weightlessly and effortlessly and silently above me. It wasn't too long ago when I was in the sky, peering down at small tropical islands and knowing I was headed for one myself.
It's crazy to think we can physically be at such a height, with nothing but the walls and floor of the plane keeping us from touching the sky.
That was the train of thought I was on, until suddenly this train wreck in my head crashed at the front of my mind.
I sorely miss my friends. If you are reading this I can almost guarantee that I am talking about you. I miss you. And you randomly pop up in my head in the midst of what I am doing here.
I really really miss my family. I want to be having a BBQ with the delicious hamburgers only my dad knows how to cook to perfection, then sit down to having my brothers making fun of each other over nothing while my nieces and nephews are running around the tables and jumping onto the big red beanbag in the haven.
These stars are not the same as home. I instinctively searched for the southern cross. Do you think i found it?
These clouds passing through are not the ones you, in Australia, in summer, in the southern hemisphere, at 7:32pm, have rolling across your sky. I miss Australian soil.
But through all this missing, I am finally doing what I truly love. I am living for once.
I know I am helping to make a difference and I love that I can do so.
I wish I could become really daring and travel through these mountains I can see out my window in the distance, and minister to the people there that are very dangerous. Especially to caucasions. The problem is it is restricted for anyone to go up them, since there are bands of rebels there. That's all I know about the mountains, they hold much mystery and it intrigues me.
In all honesty I would love to die here doing what I love.
But I want to see everyone.
But I don't want to leave.
This is my life now, it is what I am used to. I don't know if I could cope back home, living in all the routines and materialism. It is so freeing and simple Here, I have no worries in this place. None at all.
That scares me a little.
I don't know what I want now. I'm mixed up. I hate knowing that this time will be over soon.
I hate knowing that soon I'll just be back home and I won't be able to come back for at least a year. But even then doubt I could return.
Everyone I am meeting here is saying "you will be back again soon, won't you?"
I wish I could tell them yes.
These people are real, with personalities and hopes and dreams and ambitions and aspirations.
Not some picture to glance at and remember for a short moment. They've been here all along while we have not known of them.
Of course that is like the whole world anyway. But it gets to me.
So yes. Now my head and my heart are going insane, never knowing what to think or say or do. Will I even have a choice of what to do? I guess not. That Is driving me mad.
Anyway I better go. Dinner soon. Although while it is your 7:32, it is my 5:32.
Yep.
Even blogging these thoughts didn't help. I'm a bit stuck.
175 people helped this time. Today was more quiet for me, as I was mainly sitting down waiting, and fanning myself to keep cool.
While sitting and listening to my music, I was left alone with my thoughts. That rarely happens here with everyone around me.
And as I looked up at the sky I saw a plane flying weightlessly and effortlessly and silently above me. It wasn't too long ago when I was in the sky, peering down at small tropical islands and knowing I was headed for one myself.
It's crazy to think we can physically be at such a height, with nothing but the walls and floor of the plane keeping us from touching the sky.
That was the train of thought I was on, until suddenly this train wreck in my head crashed at the front of my mind.
I sorely miss my friends. If you are reading this I can almost guarantee that I am talking about you. I miss you. And you randomly pop up in my head in the midst of what I am doing here.
I really really miss my family. I want to be having a BBQ with the delicious hamburgers only my dad knows how to cook to perfection, then sit down to having my brothers making fun of each other over nothing while my nieces and nephews are running around the tables and jumping onto the big red beanbag in the haven.
These stars are not the same as home. I instinctively searched for the southern cross. Do you think i found it?
These clouds passing through are not the ones you, in Australia, in summer, in the southern hemisphere, at 7:32pm, have rolling across your sky. I miss Australian soil.
But through all this missing, I am finally doing what I truly love. I am living for once.
I know I am helping to make a difference and I love that I can do so.
I wish I could become really daring and travel through these mountains I can see out my window in the distance, and minister to the people there that are very dangerous. Especially to caucasions. The problem is it is restricted for anyone to go up them, since there are bands of rebels there. That's all I know about the mountains, they hold much mystery and it intrigues me.
In all honesty I would love to die here doing what I love.
But I want to see everyone.
But I don't want to leave.
This is my life now, it is what I am used to. I don't know if I could cope back home, living in all the routines and materialism. It is so freeing and simple Here, I have no worries in this place. None at all.
That scares me a little.
I don't know what I want now. I'm mixed up. I hate knowing that this time will be over soon.
I hate knowing that soon I'll just be back home and I won't be able to come back for at least a year. But even then doubt I could return.
Everyone I am meeting here is saying "you will be back again soon, won't you?"
I wish I could tell them yes.
These people are real, with personalities and hopes and dreams and ambitions and aspirations.
Not some picture to glance at and remember for a short moment. They've been here all along while we have not known of them.
Of course that is like the whole world anyway. But it gets to me.
So yes. Now my head and my heart are going insane, never knowing what to think or say or do. Will I even have a choice of what to do? I guess not. That Is driving me mad.
Anyway I better go. Dinner soon. Although while it is your 7:32, it is my 5:32.
Yep.
Even blogging these thoughts didn't help. I'm a bit stuck.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Mahal Kita.
This sounds crazy for someone as young as me saying this.
But... I do believe i have found the place i would like to get married.
And stay there for the honeymoon.
And then live there.
Forever and ever.
and ever.
It is called "The Fort Ilocandia Resort Hotel".
it was classical, tropical, simply beautiful.
Thousands of palm trees.
Courtyards with waterfountains and ancient statues.
Countless frangipani trees.
Archways galore, and my favourite kind or arched windows with white window panes.
Marble floors.
A beautiful grand piano.
A walkway, lined with tall palm trees, ferns, hibiscus trees and other tropical flowers, and old fashioned lamp posts.
Their own private beach with straw huts lined up along the sand.
Dune buggies.
Jeeps.
Golf course - not that i care about that one.
Rivers, lakes, ancient bridges.
They even have a mini zoo for crying out loud.
And that is just a few of the many things i saw there.
The funny thing is, i never wanted some fancy shmancy wedding.
But this place was something better than anything i could have dreamed up.
I did think i would like to be married either on the beach, or at a quiet bay, or by a colourful garden.
It's basically all three combined, and ARGH. I never wanted to leave.
The funny thing is, if it were in Australia it would have costed thousands per night.
But because it is in the Philippines, it equals up to $160.
It is more than worth it.
ANYWAY:
That was yesterday, along with a few other things.
Today we had our first medical missions trip to the first local church.
134 people were treated and helped.
We had medicines for them and a small dental clinic set up.
Many many tooth extractions.
I saw a lot of people walking out the door with less teeth than what they came in with.
But they didn't care, they were so happy. Everyone always is.
-mahala kita-
We talked with the locals, made friends, played with the youngens, particularly a few girls who simply would not leave me alone. They were the shyest of the bunch, but because i came up to them, they were so happy. I felt good that i brought them joy, especially when they were being sorely excluded by everyone else.
A few of the slightly younger aged girls were so beautiful and filled with hope.
Some of the names i remember are Princess, Cheng, Bernadette, Rhoda, Angel.
they are around 13 and 14.
There aren't many our age, only younger or older.
We spent most of our time playing with the little boys and girls, and then talking with the older boys and girls around their 20's.
One was named Eddie i think, he had some psycho long hard-to-pronounce name so he told us to call him Eddie.
He and his friends were teaching us some of their Ylocano and Tagalog language.
I forget most of what they taught us already, something that sounded like apple juice meant Praise God i think.
It frustrates me because i have no idea what 'Maganda' or whatever means, and i am constantly hearing it when someone walks by me.
We ate a lunch of rice (of course) with fried chicken, vegetables, seafood which i did not touch, etc.
Hopefully tonight i have convinced Rob and the others that we should go to KFC for dinner.
Not very adventurous or cultural i know, but i need a break of all that noodles and rice and not knowing whether or not i will like my dinner.
Last night i tried carbonara - never again. ugh.
Although i have taken a large liking to their sweet rolls, fresh out of the oven - they call it 'pan de leche'.
I also had a hot milo which i haven't had in a very long time.
Anyway i only have 20 minutes left on the internet timer so i best be going.
Isusulat Ko Pa Mamaya.
But... I do believe i have found the place i would like to get married.
And stay there for the honeymoon.
And then live there.
Forever and ever.
and ever.
It is called "The Fort Ilocandia Resort Hotel".
it was classical, tropical, simply beautiful.
Thousands of palm trees.
Courtyards with waterfountains and ancient statues.
Countless frangipani trees.
Archways galore, and my favourite kind or arched windows with white window panes.
Marble floors.
A beautiful grand piano.
A walkway, lined with tall palm trees, ferns, hibiscus trees and other tropical flowers, and old fashioned lamp posts.
Their own private beach with straw huts lined up along the sand.
Dune buggies.
Jeeps.
Golf course - not that i care about that one.
Rivers, lakes, ancient bridges.
They even have a mini zoo for crying out loud.
And that is just a few of the many things i saw there.
The funny thing is, i never wanted some fancy shmancy wedding.
But this place was something better than anything i could have dreamed up.
I did think i would like to be married either on the beach, or at a quiet bay, or by a colourful garden.
It's basically all three combined, and ARGH. I never wanted to leave.
The funny thing is, if it were in Australia it would have costed thousands per night.
But because it is in the Philippines, it equals up to $160.
It is more than worth it.
ANYWAY:
That was yesterday, along with a few other things.
Today we had our first medical missions trip to the first local church.
134 people were treated and helped.
We had medicines for them and a small dental clinic set up.
Many many tooth extractions.
I saw a lot of people walking out the door with less teeth than what they came in with.
But they didn't care, they were so happy. Everyone always is.
-mahala kita-
We talked with the locals, made friends, played with the youngens, particularly a few girls who simply would not leave me alone. They were the shyest of the bunch, but because i came up to them, they were so happy. I felt good that i brought them joy, especially when they were being sorely excluded by everyone else.
A few of the slightly younger aged girls were so beautiful and filled with hope.
Some of the names i remember are Princess, Cheng, Bernadette, Rhoda, Angel.
they are around 13 and 14.
There aren't many our age, only younger or older.
We spent most of our time playing with the little boys and girls, and then talking with the older boys and girls around their 20's.
One was named Eddie i think, he had some psycho long hard-to-pronounce name so he told us to call him Eddie.
He and his friends were teaching us some of their Ylocano and Tagalog language.
I forget most of what they taught us already, something that sounded like apple juice meant Praise God i think.
It frustrates me because i have no idea what 'Maganda' or whatever means, and i am constantly hearing it when someone walks by me.
We ate a lunch of rice (of course) with fried chicken, vegetables, seafood which i did not touch, etc.
Hopefully tonight i have convinced Rob and the others that we should go to KFC for dinner.
Not very adventurous or cultural i know, but i need a break of all that noodles and rice and not knowing whether or not i will like my dinner.
Last night i tried carbonara - never again. ugh.
Although i have taken a large liking to their sweet rolls, fresh out of the oven - they call it 'pan de leche'.
I also had a hot milo which i haven't had in a very long time.
Anyway i only have 20 minutes left on the internet timer so i best be going.
Isusulat Ko Pa Mamaya.
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