Some Things. (I promise I'm not actually this much of a chocoholic)

 Here's a new word for you, blog.

Vorfreude - (n.) The joyful, intense anticipation that comes from imagining future pleasures.

Oh, well hello, word that so easily defines my life. How are you this evening?

I suppose on every second day, however, I would need to replace the word 'joyful' with something more like 'restless' or 'frustrated' or 'stupidly impatient'. We can leave 'intense' where it is.

I don't even know how to pronounce you properly, new word. But I do know that you seem perfectly capable of pronouncing and giving a voice to my multitude of unspeakable thoughts... so, you know, kudos for that.

~

The following is a whole lotta' stuff. Stuff with things in it.

~

This photo was weird because that
hand is actually my hand.
This girl edited the photo and put
her face behind it and that's
just weird but I guess it's cool.

I'm spending so much of my spare time (which is often as of late, huzzah for me! Kind of. Kind of huzzah.) in our caravan parked in the carport, ruining the pads of my left index, middle and ring finger on mum's 12-string guitar.
Which I have now claimed as mine. Think of it as instrument adoption. I've taken the sweet, melodious little baby in and have given it a better home. One filled with nurture and love, rather than dust and cobwebs and the skeletons of dead spiders.

Port Lincoln, SA (during our almost-trip to Perth)

But I like the caravan. It has this distinct smell about it that reminds me of the time I almost (but did not) go to Perth just under 2 years ago. Wow, how the time has flown by since then...
Plus, the caravan provides a more isolated sanctuary away from the crazily lovable and lovably crazy nieces and nephews when they come to visit just about every day. I love them a lot. But my new baby (12-string needs a good name, doesn't it?) doesn't love them so much.

Jon Foreman, lead singer of Switchfoot
(Ringwood, Melbourne - 22nd April 2011)

So in the caravan, I can relax, I am in a more peaceful environment, I have a mini fridge, air conditioning, a tv and dvd set and two double beds to choose from if I wish to have a nap.

Basically everything except the kitchen sink. Except it does actually have a kitchen sink.

If only I could fit my piano in there somehow.

Daisy - Switchfoot

I spend my days writing songs and eating chocolate, then writing a fictional story which may never be shared with the outside world.
I spend my nights thinking, and on the rare occasion, sleeping.

I uploaded a video of myself singing a song I wrote recently onto YouTube. Never before (or at least not in a long time) have I felt as lame as I did when I uploaded it.

My dad is now constantly pointing out each and every reality television show associated with music. So that means X-Factor, The Voice, and apparently Australia's Got Talent.

I forgot to fangirl about how Steph and I
met New Empire and I had about
three or four little 'moments'
with the lead singer
Jeremy Fowler (to the left of me)
because we understood each other
when it came to music. Oh well.

My answers are (aside from the fact that my first preference would be to find my dreams on a more 'respectable' path) that X-Factor has some cool things to offer people like me, but the extreme media exposure and the whole voting system just makes me want to bang my head against a brick wall, and I suppose the same goes for The Voice.

Australia's Got Talent is great to watch, though I always seem to forget when it's on. I don't know why I enjoy it so much. But I would never be a singer on an all-encompassing talent show like that. Because I know for myself, I always feel so disappointed when a singer wins.
There are other contests specifically for singers (i.e. those two above this paragraph), but nothing like that for the other kinds of talents you find on that show. Ergo, the other talents deserve winning something in my unnecessary opinion.

Tonight mum and I watched a documentary
on Cirque Du Soleil's production called
"O". I was full-blown mesmerised.

Oh, have you noticed? I like to sing. In fact, I love to sing. In fact, I have discovered that music and song is one of the biggest aspects of my life.
So big that I dream almost every night of dedicating my days and nights to it.

For some reason, playing guitar makes playing piano easier. I don't understand how, and I don't really care to try.

The last school production
I was in; Alice in Wonderland.
I was Alice, hence the blue dress.
Beautiful Talana next to me
was the caterpillar who
smoked a shisha
apparently filled with bubbles.
I miss school productions.
Oh and Kirsten's getting
in on the photos to
like the little minx she is.

Chocolate is great though, isn't it?

I have this silly fear that people see my passion for song as a frivolous, childhood dream.
You know back in those days where we'd say "When I grow up, I want to be a famous singer" alongside "When I grow up, I want to be a princess"?
The adult answer would be to smile sweetly at the innocent children that we were and simply nod.

When I tell people I want to be a singer, many seem to look at me as though I haven't grown out of some childish dream.

When Steph came with me
on a family holiday to QLD
when I was 15, we went shopping
and decided we'd try on every item of
clothing we bought at once.

But PEOPLE OF EARTH! You must understand that becoming a singer, though the industry is tough, is much more of a sensible answer than wanting to become a princess, surely...

I'm not aiming for royalty.
I'm bursting to share what I can with others to inspire, encourage and empathize with them. My heart is in music. How else can I live my life?

I think that fear of mine stems from a teacher from school last year, among a few other adults who to this day, still tread carefully around me when the subject of my future arises in conversation.
 Thus resulting to the present times where I still feel reluctant every time someone asks me what I have 'planned'.

We were in year 8 I think, going along a
year 7 excursion to "look after" the younger
students. We didn't really do that at all.
We found a creek and sat on giant boulders
and it was fun.
I miss Kirsten and Dylan.

At least chocolate is inanimate and cannot ask.

Mmm.

Also, with nearly every song I love, I suddenly have the overwhelming urge to write a fictional story built on the lyrics. The trouble with that, is that I go through probably 50 songs a day as I listen to the playlists on my phone.

Last year's Philippines trip. This was
taken in Manila as we walked to a
shopping complex.

Then there are (many, many) moments throughout my days in which everything inside me seems to implode and I am left there, speechless, silent; unable to express anything to anyone, anymore.

Or perhaps it's because in all honesty, nobody is there to listen anyway.

Does that sound depressing? I suppose it feels depressing. But chocolate releases endorphins that make you happy, so I'll just get me some more chocolate.

This was while we were on our way
to Brunei, the stopover before
Manila.

I like Amy Stroup and her simply music. And then Boyce Avenue does a cover of any song by anyone and makes it a thousand times better (with the only exception being Switchfoot, Fiction Family, and anything Jon Foreman. Because his voice and his passion and his heart and his understanding and his wisdom and... *takes breath* is what makes everything he sings so perfectly established. Oh, and probably Coldplay too for obvious reasons).

I'm tired, but I'm not sleepy.

And I'm exhausted from all the times when others unknowingly encourage me to settle for less than what I know I need to do with myself. They do it in a loving and caring way, but that only makes it more exhausting, because they simply don't understand.

And this was in the plane
from Manila to Laoag.

I'm not as naive as I'm sounding, I promise.
But I'm not going to lower any expectations, because I strongly believe that I would not have this insatiable passion if it were to never come to pass.

I shall end this bi polar post now, knowing that there will have been most likely about 2 or 3 people who actually have read these words.
So thanks to you for that, I suppose.

My thought process was completely muddled together throughout this entire thing, can you tell?
I don't even know if I agree with everything I just wrote, but I don't really care all that much.

I try to make a good impression on people, but I don't like that I do.
So with this post, I'm not going to try.

And I'm ending with this photo, taken in Laoag, Philippines after the big school rally.
It speaks for itself quite perfectly. Royce is great.