Please raise your hand if you feel the same.

I'm going to be completely honest in this post. Completely true to how I'm feeling in the moment that I type these words into this otherwise blank white square that will soon be the latest blog post. Probably a dangerous thing to do, but here goes anyway.

I don't get it. I really don't get it! A big part of me has always dismissed myself as the same as everyone else when it came to dreams, ambitions and aspirations. I'd tell myself that for every dream I had, somebody else probably had two. For every moment of passion I feel, the person walking on the footpath across the road from me has the same feeling for something else.
Everyone has dreams, correct? Everyone has desires, a longing to do something with themselves that they fully believe they would love to do? If they're not currently aware of these desires, they become aware as time moves on, right? Or am I completely wrong? Am I one of the very few humans walking around me right now as I sit here on this park bench in my minuscule town who harbours an unfulfilled dream?

It seems that would almost make more sense to me right now. Otherwise, how are they so calm? How can they look so comfortable in their own skin? People hide things all the time, and I know from plenty of experience of being a part of the human race, sure. But these passions of mine, these dreams I have not yet experienced in my waking hours, are things I cannot hide. I can't control them. I can't tame them. I can't keep quiet about them, and I sure as all heck cannot settle for less when they are around.
Funnily enough, they're around all the time! So tell me, blog that cannot physically satisfy my sheer frustrations with an answer I can digest, am I the only one?

How can one keep so calm and collected if they harbour these things inside of them? Do they have these kinds of passions too?
I almost want the answer to be no, so I could perhaps feel slightly better about myself.

I can barely sit still these days. And while in one ear I have Team Go-create-your-own-destiny telling me to get off my backside and grab a hold of my dream with both hands whether it wants to be man-handled or not and Team Sometimes-it's-good-to-pause-and-appreciate-what-you-already-have saying things like, "You've got people who need you here, maybe this is where you need to be right now", I'm trying to keep my mouth shut tight so I don't let out an agonising scream and permanently scare all the wildlife away.

Another question I have would be; how do you let those with compatible dreams know that you feel the same? How does one stand out among a crowd who all seem to want the same thing?
If they all do, then I feel awful for them! If they feel just like I feel then they must be going through absolute torture. If this is the case, though, where was I when they were taught how to hide it?

If it's not the case... what then? How do the like-minded and equally passionate find each other in such an overcrowded space when everyone looks the same?

I believe I have just admitted one of my biggest fears. The fear of missing it. The fear of being stuck in this overcrowded room, still searching for souls who are the same as me, only to find they have already discovered one another and left me behind. Maybe they've already left? Maybe they've already pulled their dreams out of their sleep and into the real world and I just can't see that because nobody has shown me how to open my eyes?

How do I make myself known when everyone else is trying to do the same thing? Do I even deserve to be known, if it meant someone else would never be? Does everyone who tries for their dreams, have the ability to achieve them?
Can everyone who feels like their unachieved ambitions are eating them alive to the point where they have to physically hold back their screams, please raise their hand?

Or am I really the only one?

We are miracles, and we're not alone.

I've got my heart set for what happens next;

I've got my eyes wide - it's not over yet.

Two nights ago, my beautiful friend and I were wasting sleeping hours on reminiscing over past events and fond memories. After reliving some of them, we found even the tiniest of moments we'd thought we had forgotten entirely were still brought back to mind and brought smiles along with them.

So Steph, the ever-intelligent human that she is, came up with the idea of using our blogs as an online collection of past experiences we can look over in the future like an archive of sorts.
Not just some kind of dot-point list of vague moments of our past, but detailed paragraphs, written thoroughly from our memories before they fade completely from our minds. Maybe some could be written as though the reader is living them out all over again... Who knows! Haha.

I've tried countless times to keep a journal for things like this, but every time I've failed not-so-miserably (trying to keep the journal was actually the more miserable part for me than the 'failing' part).
The only time I've successfully kept a detailed recount was actually over the course of maybe 18 months or so, in one little notebook acting as insight to a timeline of moments lived with my best friend for what I think may have been her 15th birthday present. (Correct me if I'm wrong there, Steph!)

So if I have a good enough incentive, I can keep up with it. This way I'll be able to read some similar memories through Steph's point of view while I write my own. I'm pretty excited.

Right, so that's it from me right now! Let's see how this ends up ;)

Standing at a bus station, waiting for a train.

After all this time of teaching myself patience, I realise; what exactly am I waiting for?

No one is aware I am here. Nobody knows I'm waiting. So what do I think is going to happen?

Even if I find the train station, I don't know where to go. Or rather, I know very well where it is I want to go, but I don't know how to get there. Uncharted journeys are sometimes less of an adventure and more of a frustration.

Next stop: __________. I don't even know.

Oh, how many times I find myself wanting to simply go back to bed.

Lies a Harvest Yet to Come

When the autumn colors pass through the season's hourglass
Once again, there is winter in me

When November's grass is browned by the frost upon the ground
It is then you'll find the winter in me

But underneath the fallen snow, lies a harvest yet to come

For just as spring is guaranteed

Life is etched into the seed

Time to welcome the winter in me

Wildfire

I wrote a new song about 24 hours ago.
It's always these moments at night time where perhaps the most genuine side of me flourishes. I have no idea why. I wish I were a morning person. Things would be so much easier.
But there's simply something about this time at night, where everything is still, and there's no one here to please. I can start dancing around stupidly in Elmo pyjama shorts if I want to, and feel confident that no one is going to be watching.
So that's a really bad example, but it's an honest one since I actually did that last week. You know that song by the New Radicals, called You Get What You Give? "Don't let go, you've got the music in you" etc. etc.
Such a good song.

Ahem...

This song that I wrote is probably one giant fluke.
Somehow, through the simplicity and the analogies, I managed to (for once) successfully put the way I've been feeling into words.
That never, ever, ever happens to me, just so you know. 90% of the songs I write are ones I don't feel completely satisfied with, because it's just too difficult to find words that accurately portray how I'm truly feeling.

If you thought I was going to share the lyrics to this song in this post, then you are wrong... haha.

I'm just so relieved that I could sufficiently convey what I've been feeling in musical form, in a way that makes me feel happy with the outcome.

At the very least, I've told you the title of the song, since it's the title of this post.

If only I could do these kinds of things during daylight hours.*sigh*
Perhaps my aunt knows what she's talking about when she calls me a nightingale bird...

I can't count the reasons I should stay; one by one, they all just fade away.

 ~

Oh, how it astounds me; this change that is occurring at such a fast pace that I feel as though I'll be fined for speeding at any given moment.

The majority of this change (ha- unfortunately) is not happening on the outside as of yet. Some of it is, I suppose, but that change is a whole different ball park in which I don't actually understand the conventions of the ball game.
No; see, that change is something incredibly unexpected. It had come about in the most unexpected of ways, from the most unexpected of sources. Ever. These sentences are very much cryptic and therefore pointless to continue with, so I'll stop there.

But the other more internal change seems to establish itself in my head while I sleep. Then all of a sudden I will wake up with this... thing... growing as a thought I cannot shake.
And now I've got that whole weird, cliché, fate-like situation going on where suddenly all the songs you hear and all the movies you watch relate to these very things growing in your mind.
I always believed that happened simply because you were looking for those 'things'. And when you're subconsciously keeping an eye out for things, they seem to pop up everywhere.

But that is just it; Suddenly I'm keeping an eye out for 'things'. By things, I suppose I mean ideas.
Ideas about things.

Haha okay so I'm just gonna go with 'things', and leave it there.

But it's getting creepy now, to the point where the lyrics of a bloomin' Taylor Swift song start following me around and making sense amidst these... 'thing'-based... ideas.

'This hope is treacherous; this daydream is dangerous.'

I think instead of having to cut my ties in this place, they've been stretched for so long that they have all reached their breaking point. Funnily enough, I think that's a good thing.

I always wondered if those shadow-thoughts, following me throughout my life and telling me I didn't quite fit the bill for where I stood, held any real worth or value. I was never sure if they would amount to anything, so I think I just wrote them off as insecurities.
Turns out they were never such things. Instead, they're becoming prophecies.

'Forever going with the flow- but you're friction.'

I was always so astounded by the way each and every one of my brothers suddenly reached a point where they decided they were ready to move out and own a place for themselves. It would seem like it just happened in the space of a couple of days.
We would go from one year finishing to a new year beginning, and one of them would be screaming 'freedom' from living under the shade of our parents' wings.
I never understood how they could feel so confident in the idea of moving out and living away from everything they'd provide. At least I never understood it when I was younger. Whereas now...The average age that occurred for all six of my brothers was around 19.

'Nothing safe is worth the drive.'

I'm currently six thousand, nine hundred and fifty-nine days old.
And I'm hearing the silent sound of my own thoughts screaming at me to leave this place and fly away, and sing - or stay for perhaps one more day and sing while I wait for tomorrow to come, that I might leave this place and fly away, and sing.

There are very few things keeping me here, and they are becoming fewer by the heartbeat.

~